Wednesday, November 15, 2017

FEAR

by Janis Patterson

The world is full of fear - knives, nutcases, terrorists, falling trees, floods, fire... The list is endless, and aside from a few constants, different for every person. And we as writers heap even more on ourselves.

At least, this writer does. Even after nearly 40 years in the business I still quake with terror every time I release a book out into the wild... and, to a lesser extent, every blog post. It's an exposure not only of my skills, knowledge and ability, but a blurry look into the inner workings of my mind. In a mental sense, it's the equivalent of walking outside in my underwear.

While we're still working on the book, it's ours. Whatever foibles or errors it has, they are strictly between it and us. Once it leaves our hands, though, whether to beta readers, editors or to the great wide world, it ceases to be ours. We can no longer protect it - or ourselves.

Yesterday I sent in the manuscript for FIRST DATE, a suspenseful romantic adventure novella written for a new box set called DESPERATE MEASURES, organized by the incomparable Nicole Morgan and due for release at the end of January. Now after 40 some odd books you'd think this would be old hat - a good story, a genre I love and write often, a well-known setting, a hero to die for...

Wrong. I loaded the email and still my finger hovered over the 'send' button. The story was sound; the manuscript had been edited not only by me but by Laree Bryant, the gifted editor (and an author herself) I've used for every single book for years. It had been vetted by two of my trusted beta readers, and passed with flying colors. I had been over it several times until I felt positive every elusive typo had been tracked down and corrected. (That is a false security; the accursed Typo Gremlin is alive and well, and has doubtless insured that somewhere deep in the copy a single typo is lurking, ready to break out in its full obvious glory on release day. I always wait for it with a fatalistic sense of doom.)

But... but... As long as I didn't hit that button, the book was still mine - under my control and protection. I could look through it just one more time. I could have a third beta reader go over it. Maybe do one more run of spell-check...

Obsession can be ugly. I am a grown woman, and have done everything possible to make FIRST DATE (and every book I've ever done) as professional and polished as possible. Sometimes it takes all my strength and courage to push that 'send' button, but I do - and I did - admonishing myself that next time I won't be so silly, that I always do everything I can, so there's no need to be afraid or even worry. The manuscript is perfect.


Yeah, right.

11 comments:

Maris said...

I share your fear, Janis. We writers often compare the books we write to how we feel about our children. I love my children, and it hurts if or when someone says something negative about my children (human type or books). So, yes, every time I release a book, I have fear.

Kathleen Kaska said...

I'm with you 100% on this one, Janis!

Marilyn Meredith a.k.a. F. M. Meredith said...

I think every author shares this particular fear. Good post, thank you!

Terry said...

You're so right. We writers can make ourselves crazy. I struggled like crazy writing my book that comes out in January. I'm forever grateful to my editors, who banged, mashed, and coaxed it into shape. By the time they got done with it, I felt pretty good. And then, of course, I waited for the reviews. It's a tough book. When the reviews came in positive, I was relieved. And yet there lingers that, "will the readers like it?" worry. It never ends!

Julie Rowe said...

Holy cow can I relate! I'm always terrified when a new MS goes out to anyone. I guess that's why chocolate was invented. :-)

Cheers, Julie

Fran McNabb said...

I chuckled when I read your blog. I did the same thing last week when I sent a manuscript to an editor. It took me all day to hit the Send button, and after I did, I started second-guessing myself! Nice to know other writers understand our fears.

Karen Frisch said...

As writers we are our own worst critics, Janis. Sometimes the more intensely we proofread, the easier it is to miss the obvious. We second-guess the scenes we spent hours creating and perfecting. It is a no-win situation when we're compelled to write yet doubt ourselves every step of the way. Perhaps the greatest achievement is finding the courage to release our stories at all. Wishing you all the best with yours.

Pamela Beason, Author said...

All I can say is "Amen!" I have qualms every time I put a story "out there." But I do have to say that after publishing nine novels and a novella, it does get easier each time to tell myself that I'm a pro, that I will make a few mistakes (hopefully tiny ones), and that I may attract a few online trolls, but that my books will still sell and get good reviews. Practice doesn't make perfect, but it does help you grow that protective shell you need to continue publishing.

Radine Trees Nehring said...

Well said, and it touches almost every author as previous comments prove. Now, how about a secondary fear?

Earl Staggs said...


You nailed it again, Susan. That fear is always there, no matter how many books or stories we send out. It's goes with of the territory.

Pamela S Thibodeaux said...

Yep, you're right. Fear is everywhere and can be overwhelming. But life is supposed to be joyous and we can't worry about what we can't control. At least I try not to lol!

Great post.
Good luck and God's blessings
PamT