She Did What?

Kathleen Kaska (Fifth-Saturday Blogger)

            A few years ago, I sent a manuscript to the agent who was representing me at the time. She was appalled that my protagonist had the temerity to speed over a cattle guard on an unmarked the dirt road. There was no motive to my protagonist's wacky actions, according to her, and furthermore, this absurd incident wasn’t mentioned again in my story. And what did she have against this cattle guard anyway?

       Her comments momentarily confused me. What was the big deal about driving over a cattle guard? How in the hell else was she supposed to get where she was going? It finally dawned on me that this young New Yorker hadn't a clue about ranch life. She assumed the cattle “guard” was a person, standing sentinel over some bovines. Fighting laughter, I gently explained this contextual cattle guard. She was good-natured enough to then allow some mutual chuckling.

            In one of my writers’ critique groups, two members were confused about “she pulled the door to.” They wanted to know why I didn’t finish the action stated. “Pulled the door to what?” they asked. When I explained to them that “pulling the door to,” meant closing it without actually shutting it, they seemed unconvinced. To them, the door was either closed or it wasn’t.

            Here’s another example. A reader chastised me about an expression in one of my mysteries. My protagonist had responded to something of no surprise to her by saying, “Well, slap me silly.” The reader thought the remark a bit extreme, bordering on masochistic. She couldn’t imagine someone asking to be slapped and why there wasn’t a comma before “silly.” I demurred. The reader obviously lacked a sense of humor. 

            My current mystery series is set mainly in the South and I use a lot of Southern expressions, which come naturally to me since I’m from Texas. My new series is set in Manhattan. Fortunately, I lived there a while and some Big Apple slang stuck with me. One of my favorites is “schmear” (a small amount or smear of cream cheese added to a bagel order. Living now in the Pacific Northwest, I was pleased to see this word on a local coffee shop menu. Is the world shrinking? Are we really becoming a global village? Have we reached the point where we all understand one another? I hope not. That would be boring.

            Do any of ya’ll use similar regional slang or colloquialisms in your writing? Keep on!

Are You Listening?

Kathleen Kaska (Fifth Saturday Blogger)

Do you listen to friends, family, or readers who give you ideas for your next mystery?

            I have a long list of historic hotels, recommended by folks who read my series, for my next book. I’d have to live way into the next century to write a Sydney Lockhart mystery about every one of those hotels. But I still love hearing about these places. Each one has a unique story to tell: the ghost who lives in room 315; the infamous gambler who was murdered in the lounge; the blockbuster movie that was filmed there back in the fifties.

            Occasionally, an enthusiastic fan or friend will suggest a plot for my next story, and some trouble my wacky protagonist could get into. Though I always take note, rarely do these suggestions find their way into my books. I’m a Pantster and planning what will happen doesn’t work for me—usually.

            Early one recent morning, I received a phone call (yes, a real phone call—no text; no email) and by chance I actually had my phone on. It was my dear friend, talented wildlife photographer, and fellow birder, Wendy McSwain. Right away, I could tell she was excited about something. I figured she’d spotted a least bittern. Background: we’d just spent five days in Texas, birding along the coast searching for that illusive bird, which had recently been seen at a local birding haunt. If you’re a birder, you know that much of the time is spent quietly watching and waiting. While staring into the cattails one morning, Wendy wanted to know what trouble I had in store for a recurring character named Ruth in the next mystery I was currently working on. Ruth is the wacky sidekick who gives my protagonist, Sydney, nightmares. So far, all I’d come up with was a new boyfriend who was a pilot. He was teaching Ruth to fly. A little seed must have sprouted in Wendy’s brain, ergo her phone call just mentioned. While Wendy talked, I took notes. Her ideas were brilliant. I’m going to use them. They even spill into my next next mystery, which works wonderfully in a series. Murder at the Menger is only twenty-five percent complete, but the dedication page is already written.

Facts about Wymee Falls and Wichita Falls

The action in my Imogene Duckworthy novels take place in and around Wymee Falls. The town of Wymee Falls is fictional, but it’s based on the real Texas town of Wichita Falls. I lived in that part of the world for a few years. If you’ve read one or all of the three books so far, you may have come into contact with some of the below. I’d like to elaborate, though, on just what the town is about. Personally, the waterfall, below, is hilarious. It’s why I decided to base the series there. I haven’t worked the World’s Smallest Skyscraper, another very funny thing,  into a plot yet, but there’s plenty of time for that in later books.

Some interesting facts about Wichita Falls, Texas.

The town of Wichita Falls, called Wymee Falls in my Imogene Duckworthy mysteries, has a colorful history.

Some early history & the story of the waterfall

The Choctaw Indians were there since the early 1700s. White settlers showed up in the 1860s and ranched cattle. The town was named after a small waterfall on the Wichita River, really more of a rapids. A flood in1886 destroyed the fragile water works. After visitors asked to see the waterfall, fruitlessly, for about a hundred years, the town elders decided to build one. Just off I44, in Lucy Park, the nice-looking, medium-sized waterfall (54 feet high) runs on a pump, except when the water level gets low and the water gets too silty. Gotta be careful not to damage the pump.

The World's Smallest Skyscraper

The city also houses the World's Smallest Skyscraper. A swindler collected funds to build an actual skyscraper, then constructed a four-story building with one room 9x12 on each floor. A fourth of that space is taken up by staircases between the floors. This was during the boom after the discovery of oil nearby. I suppose it was logical that the city could use more office space. The con man, J.D. McMahon, drew up blueprints for a building 480" tall. He didn't point out that his scale used inches, not feet. After construction got started, his investors suspected something. They tried to sue, but lost. They had signed off on the blueprints, clearly drawn in inches. When the "skyscraper" was finished, McMahon left town with most of the money. This was an embarrassment to the town until it was featured in Ripley's Believe It Or Not and got its billing as World's Smallest Skyscraper. Now it's a tourist attraction--along with the fake waterfall.

Tornados

The town is in a major tornado path. We spent a good deal of time cowering in the bath tub, listening to the sirens, when we lived there. It's been hit by two major tornados, in 1964 and 1979. Seven people died in the first one, but 42 perished in the later storm. Twenty-five of those were in vehicles, since it hit during afternoon rush hour.

Weather

Temperature records range from a high of 117 in June of 1947 to -12 in January of 1924, from the records I found, but those don't include last year. In 2011, July was an average 92.9 degrees, with 52 straight days over 100 from late June to early August. I call this area a place of harsh climate with warm-hearted people. None of them resemble the characters in the Imogene Duckworthy books!

Most of the above is from wikipedia.

How Do You Know When You Are Funny?

Kathleen Kaska

Fifth Saturday Blogger 

When you are at a party, do your friends ask you to tell your favorite jokes; are you still trying to live down your high school reputation as class clown; were you a standup comic in your past life?

            You might not write humor, but chances are your stories contain humorous lines, dialogue, or occurrences. So, how do you know when you’re funny?

            I could be modest and say when I started out writing my first Sydney Lockhart mystery, I’d planned for it to be lighthearted and humorous, but that would be a lie. I desperately wanted my story to be downright funny—outright side-achingly hilarious. But my answer to the above three questions would be a resounding “no.” I never remember jokes, even those that had me laughing until my mascara ran. While in high school, I tried my best to be invisible, and if I attempted to stand up in front of an audience and tell jokes, I’d get the hook immediately.

            I know I’m funny when I’m with my three sisters; we all are. We feed off one another and laugh at stupid things we say and do: wearing mismatched earrings, walking into doors, going out for the evening with our dress on inside out. My sisters aren’t with me when I’m writing, though. So when I began working on Murder at the Arlington, I had to muster enough confidence to plow ahead and hope for the best. I sent the manuscript to my sisters. They loved it; funniest thing they ever read, but then, they are my sisters, of course they’d say that. Then my first agent said she loved the humor in the story. But I still wasn’t convinced I’d pull it off until readers I didn’t know began telling me they had to put the book down several times because they laughed too hard to continue, or they read some of the funnier lines to a friend.

            Just as I was about to pat myself on my back, I had a rude awaking. I realized I could not take credit for the accomplishment. All I did was pay attention when Sydney Lockhart (my protagonist) walked into my life during during a stay at the Arlington Hotel in Hot Spring, Arkansas. The humor belongs to her and the zany characters she brought along. I merely eavesdropped and wrote it all down.

            I’d love to hear from you, all you clever, witty, funny guys. How do you know when you are funny?

        

Mystery Author Guest, Carlene Rae Dater, Offers Promotion Tips

About Carlene Rae Dater

Carlene began her writing career as a journalist writing hard news, feature articles and humorous essays. She sold short stories to magazines in the horror, confession, religious and humor markets. To date she has published nine novels, three novellas and a non-fiction book about her adventures as a volunteer at the San Diego Sheriff’s department. 

She has two more books coming out in 2013, both mysteries and one is the beginning of a series. She teaches creative writing classes at Southwestern Oregon Community College where she currently lives in Coos Bay, Oregon with her husband, two huge Labrador Retrievers and Ebony, a small rescue dog they just added to their pack.                          

And Now, Carlene Offers Tips on Book Promotion:

How I promote my books - 

Like so many authors before me, I thought all I had to do was write and publish a book, then sit back and wait for the money to roll in while I wrote my next masterpiece. As we all know, the reality is quite different. To get name recognition, I have a website, several blogs, I blog on other blogs like this one, I Tweet, I write on Facebook and write free articles for E-zines. Still, it isn’t enough. So here are a few things I do to get name recognition for my books.

First of all, I carry business cards with me – everywhere. Business cards are the cheapest form of advertising you can buy. I’ve had several conversations while walking my dogs in the park or at the beach. Somehow, the fact that I’m a published author always comes up. Yes, I’m a pushy broad, but no one is going to toot my horn for me. I whip out a card and press it into their palm. Of course I have memorized an elevator pitch for each one of my nine published novels because the first question I always get it, “what do you write?” I start reeling off the genres, mysteries, humorous mysteries, romance, humorous romance, romantic suspense, paranormal romantic suspense until their eyes start to glaze over. The minute the person says, “Oh, I love mysteries.” I rattle off titles and taglines. Does it help? I think so. Right now all I have on my business cards is my name, address, phone number, websites and blog. I’d really like to come up some something humorous because, humor sells.

When my husband and I started a business and were about to get business cards, he said that he would be president (of course) and did I want to be vice president? Secretary? I thought for a while and then told him that, no I wanted to be Supreme Commander. I was the Supreme Commander for 22 years and, while people would forget the name of the company and my name, they never forgot the Supreme Commander.

Another thing I’ve done that gets my name out is to do author talks at libraries. We moved to a small town in Oregon three years ago, and the first thing I did was drive around to all the small town libraries and sell them my books. Yup, name recognition. Librarians love to have books by local authors in their stacks and of course I put “Local Author” stickers on the covers. I also informed the librarians that I would be happy to give a free author talk any night they wanted me. Once we set up a night and time, I politely asked if I could sell my books from the back of the room and they all said yes. So far, I’ve done talks at two libraries and have another scheduled for early 2013 when I have two more novels coming out, and have sold quite a few books. As an added benefit, I get students for the classes I teach through continuing education at the local community college.

How did I get that job? I’m not a trained teacher and don’t have a teaching certificate but my husband (he’s the smart one – I’m the pretty one) saw an ad in the local paper that the college was looking for people with life experience to teach classes. Because I’ve been writing and publishing for over 30 years, they were happy to have me teach classes and I found out I loved teaching and am still teaching writing classes two years later.

Those are a few of the things I do to try and sell more books. If you have any other good ideas, please leave a comment and share them. I’m always looking for new ways to get my name out!

If you enjoy reading humor, you’ll love my mystery, Roman Circus. Here’s an excerpt:

Monday I dashed out of my apartment wrapped in a towel after my shower to get the newspaper. My cat, named Cat, closed the door, locking me out. I was late for work.

Tuesday my office computer crashed. Unfortunately, I had neglected to back up my work for a while - I think it was a year. My boss was not happy.

Wednesday the Number Ten bus flattened Cat. After corpse retrieval and burial arrangements, I arrived late for work. 

Thursday, my car died. I had to take the Number Ten with all its horrid memories. I was late for work.

Friday, I got fired.

Saturday, Eric, my boyfriend of two years, broke up with me after he decided he was still in love with his college sweetheart, Bruce.

Sunday I picked up the classified section of the newspaper and saw this ad:

               

               “Life treating you badly? Ready for a change?

                 Run away with us. Come join the circus.”

            So I did.

Chapter 1

  Monday morning my fingers were slick on the phone and the breakfast coffee gurgled in my stomach. I had to dial three times before the call went through. I took a deep calming breath and listened to it ring. I was either embarking on the adventure of a lifetime, or I’d wind up as a bag lady – maybe both.

“Hello.” The voice was gravely, deep and very masculine. My creative mind conjured up the image of a tall, dark-haired man with piercing blue eyes, dressed in a red ring master’s coat, carrying a whip. A butterfly of excitement fluttered in my chest. 

“Yes, my name is...
            “Hold on, hold on, the friggin’ phone’s ringing off the hook.”

The line went dead and calliope music filled my ear. Before I could identify the melody, he was back.

            “Yeah, okay, what?”

            “Uh, the ad in Sunday’s paper, I’m applying for the...”

“You’re applying for the job, yeah, yeah. How much do you weigh?”

            “Ah...” the words stuck in my throat. How on earth did he know I was on a diet?

            “Come on, come on don’t be shy, how much? I gotta tell you, if you’re one of them skinny women under three-hundred and fifty pounds, we can’t use you.”

            “Three...,” sweat dotted my forehead and I automatically reached out to stroke Cat until I remembered. I wiped my hand on the nubby fabric of the couch instead. “The ad I read didn’t say anything about being, f..., ah, heavy.”

            I heard the rustling of paper and the man let loose with a string of very creative curse words, some of which I’d never heard before.

            “Sorry, little lady. I forgot we got two ads running; one for an advance publicity person and one for a fat lady.”

Publicity? My mind took a short vacation while he babbled on. Publicity for a circus, how hard could that be? I could give up my apartment, travel to all kinds of exotic locales, buy a new car, and meet the man of my dreams. The rusty voice intruded on my fantasy.

“Friggin’ phone’s been ringing off the hook, but you’re the first one for the advance job. Didn’t realize there were so many porkers in the world. Can you come in for a meeting today? We borrowed an office to do the interviewing, one on the first floor with wide doorways, if you get my drift.” His rusty laugh sounded like pebbles in a tin can. “I can’t friggin’ think straight here.” More rustling of paper and he rattled off an address in downtown San Diego. “Can you be here at one o’clock?”

“Yes, of course.” I couldn’t find anything to write on so I scribbled the address in the coffee table dust.

            “What’s your handle?”

“Huh?”

            “Sorry, professional habit. Name, what’s your name?”

            “Harmony Jane Jones.”

              He was quiet for so long, I thought he’d hung up.

“Are you kidding me?”

“No, unfortunately I’m not.” I silently cursed my parents for my weird name, again.

“Okay, kiddo. I’ll see you at one.”

“Wait! What’s your name? How will I know you?” But the line was already dead. Well, he sounded very tall, and with that deep masculine voice, probably handsome. I was nervous, but looking forward to meeting the man. ……

Find Roman Circus at at: http://www.nobleromance.com and http://www.amazon.com

Find Carlene at: www.carlenedater.com, 

http://www.themysterystartshere.com 

http://www.manicreaders.com/CarleneRaeDater 

http://www.Facebook.com/CarleneraeDater

Twitter: @CarleneRaeDater

Please welcome Darlene Rae Dater to Make Mine Mystery by leaving a comment.

UPDATE

by Earl Staggs

About a month ago, I decided to join all those people getting rich by selling books in the exciting new world of digital publishing. It’s easy, they said. Upload your books so the millions who have bought Kindles, Nooks, and other electronic readers can buy it. You’ll be rich and famous in no time.

Instead of a novel, I decided to set the ebook world on fire with a collection of my published short stories. I’ve been writing short stories for a number of years, and it’s sad to think of them as retired and gathering dust.

So I jumped in. Easy? Not for tech dummies like me. What do I know about HTML? What’s a pixel? I had to learn a whole new language and do things on my computer I had no clue about. All these years, I resisted learning them. I learned how to write in Word, I learned how to do Email, and that was about it.

But I persevered and struggled to learn new things one excruciating step at a time. Did I mention it took me nearly a month? Easy? Right.

Halfway through the project, my wife stuck her head in the door and asked, “How’s it going?”

“Terrible!” I cried in anguish. “I can’t stand it. I’m going to kill myself.”

She sighed. “Again? Well, make it snappy. Dinner’ll be ready in half an hour.”

Somehow I managed to get through it and my collection, imaginatively titled, SHORT STORIES OF EARL STAGGS, is now up and available on Amazon for Kindles and on Smashwords for all other ereaders.

I’ve even had a few sales. Not the thousands of sales that will be coming in soon, but it’s a start. The rich and famous part won’t begin until I do a lot of promotion and advertising to let the world know it’s available.

But first, I’m going to set up a print version. That way, I can advertise that it’s available both ways. Millions of ereaders have been sold, but there are still plenty of people who don’t have one. I don’t want to leave them out.

That means jumping into the fray again, learning more new stuff, and probably reaching the brink of self destruction again.

Hopefully, I can get through it and then relax and let the rich and famous part happen.

It’s easy, they said.

Right.

Earl Staggs

SHORT STORIES OF EARL STAGGS now available for $2.99 on Amazon for Kindle and on Smashwords for other ereaders.

Here’s a free one – Read "The Day I Almost Became a Great Writer," a short story good for a few laughs at earlwstaggs.wordpress.com