Show and Tell

This is a short tutorial I wrote some time ago for another blog I write for, the Blood Red Pencil. I thought it would be appropriate to post it here as well. It is especially apropos in the mystery and thriller genre - see what you think.

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Something I’ve learned about effective writing in fiction is knowing when you are “telling” the readers your story and when you are “showing” it to them. There is a place in any good book for both methods, but the “shown” passages are always more illustrative, while the “told” passages are more narrative. They create two entirely different effects. Instead of telling you the difference, I will show you. Here is a short paragraph, an example of a story being told to the reader.

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Bob walked over to the door. He turned the door knob, opened the door and started to walk outside. It was an icy cold winter day so he went back inside in a hurry and put on his coat.

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Well, if I’m the reader I haven’t missed anything, I know what’s happening, but the passage doesn’t draw me into Bob’s world, doesn’t let me feel or sense much of anything. Now I’ll rewrite the same passage showing you the story.

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Floor boards creaked underfoot. Step by step, across the room. The chill of cold brass felt smooth in his palm as the knob turned. A thunk nudged against the quiet as bolt released from its locked position. The squeak of old hinges cried “please oil me” to Bob as they pivoted. A final push, swing and a step. Whistling arctic wind whipped his face as shivers crept all over him.

Wow. Cold. Bob thought better of his choice of clothing. Slam!

Nippy fingers worked their way through the dark foyer closet, feeling for heavy suede.

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In the second example, we see, hear and feel Bob’s world. It’s a much sexier read. By comparison, the first passage is more a simple statement of a sequence of events. In fairness, I did not try very hard to write an impactful narrative in the first passage, because I was trying to emphasize a point. There are cases, lots of them, when narrative prose is just the right thing. A fist, knife or gunfight, for instance, often demands a fast, even hectic pace and needs to be told in a hurry. It usually depends on the pace you want your story to move at; which will be the subject of another post.