Rat-ta-ta-ta-ta-tat.

by Ben Small

Man, that felt good. The bang, bang, bang, bang of full automatic fire, the jolting recoil, the repeated snapping of the target from thirty feet away. Satisfaction.


My birthday present to myself, a fully automatic Sig Sauer 556 machine gun. Retractable stock, BUIS (back up iron sights, for you non-shooters), a picatinny rail. Simple safety, simple Select Fire. Sling-ready. Four thousand rounds added to the purchase. No muffs, no rubber plugs; I've already got the shooting glasses. I'm ready to shoot, the urge burning inside. Can I load a magazine as I walk to the car, maybe fire off a few celebratory rounds?

Damn, too many ears and eyes. Somebody'd call the cops.

How about in the car? Okay... that's crazy. But my ears could handle it... once anyway. I'm a shooting bull, see, and the red flag's waving.. I want to pull the trigger.

Now the Brady Bunch ain't gonna like this...

I bought an air gun. Yup, bbs. Little plastic bbs. 400 feet per second. Into a little plastic target, where the little bbs stick. Okay, if you miss, you got little plastic bbs bouncing around the room like a Chucky Cheese Ball Room riot.  Hence the safety glasses. These bbs are much smaller than Chucky's and they travel a helluva lot faster.

This baby looks and feels like the real thing. It's licensed by Sig Sauer, and may even be manufactured by the same folks who produce the real thing.

But this one won't break glass... unless used as a club.

Cool, huh? Bought a $30 Tasco red-dot scope to go with it.
 
I consider... I saved myself about $1500. See, my gun's big brother was also on the rack. Heck, even the cops buy my toy, for training and practice. Real ammo and guns are expensive.

Now I can sit in my study, get pissed off at a metaphor, and fire a few rounds at the target on my bookshelf thirty feet away. The mags fire four hundred rounds, and you can buy a thousand bbs for about $6, or ten thousand for $12 at Wal-Mart. They even come in florescent colors, so you can shoot 'em at night. The target glows in the dark, too.

And mine's electric. I just recharge it. No CO2 cartridges required.

Ah.. there's that metaphor... Like shooting my troubles away.

Yeah... pretty poor. Maybe some more rounds...

Ah, hell. Who wants to write anyway...


NOTE : These guns are not recommended for families with kids. Trust me, they will shoot each other, and safety glasses are required. While these bbs are light, they will sting just a bit if someone is shot. Eyeballs are at risk. But the bbs are easy to pick up, suitable for vacuum or broom, and they're re-usable. But don't let grandma and her walker near you when you're shooting, or that new hip she's been wanting might be needed rather soon. And don't take this air gun out and about, like, say back to Wal-Mart. You might not make it far unless you were wearing Kevlar..